On Motherhood: Still "Yours"

I originally posted this piece back in December as a 

contribution to the Mother Letter Project.

I thought it was fitting for Mother's Day,

so I've re-posted it today.  

Happy Mother's Day

to all of my readers...

P.S.  Happy 5th Birthday, Lucy!

A letter for a mother (and a great cause....click the picture above to find out more)....

Dear Mother,

By nature, I am a worrier.....and a bit of a control freak. These traits have never been my finest ones and they still can rear their ugly heads from time to time. As a child, I would make myself sick with worry (over a bad grade, a glass of spilled grape juice, an uncomfortable conversation, an unfortunate wardrobe decision...you get my drift)! I would replay scenarios and situations over and over in my head with "what ifs" and "if only I hads" and I had a hard time getting over stuff. I would try to rationalize, and justify, and solve every scary situation with my own genius solutions. In the end, I never seemed to feel any better after trying to figure it out myself. Thank goodness I finally figured out how God fit in.

I had some good years doing it God's way, and by trusting His plan....they were years of growth and happiness and peace. During that time, I found friends who would be there for a lifetime, a church home that would open new and amazing dimensions in my spiritual growth, and I found the strength to pursue the love of my life....my soul mate. I have nothing but wonderful memories of those years. There was peace, trust, understanding, and hopefulness.

And the years went by, and I had my first baby. A BOY baby (I had no idea what I was supposed to do with a boy, but I figured God knew what He was doing). It was a love so intense, and unimaginable, and those old feelings of control and worry made their way back into my fragile life. I can look back now and see that it was probably postpartum depression/anxiety,and during that time, I couldn't even begin to understand how I could trust God to take care of this baby boy of mine. He was totally and completely my responsibility (well, Chris' too) and I was overwhelmed with fear and worry. It was as if the God whom I had trusted for all those years before was nowhere to be found....and I was too lost in myself to even know where or how to find Him.

I had trouble keeping the scary thoughts at bay. What if he got hurt, what if he died in his sleep, what if he got scared while he was with the babysitter, what if his tummy hurt....what if, what if, what if! I was eaten UP with guilt. I mean, I'm talkin', "can't even take a shower for fear of leaving him alone for one tiny second" kinda guilt. It was AWFUL!!!

And well, as you can imagine, that didn't work out for very long. Slowly, but surely (through God's grace), He helped me out of the pit. It was as if I woke up from a nightmare and God revealed something life changing to me. It isn't very often that I really feel like I truly hear Him, but after that time of darkness....it really did happen.

Do you know what He told me?

"They're Mine!"

In that moment, I gave my child (and my subsequent children) back to Him. I began to understand that before they were mine, they were HIS. They will always be His. It was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders....I can't even describe the freedom and joy and peace that that revelation brought to my life as a mother. Instead of guilt, there was joy. Instead of worry, there was peace. Instead of doubt, there was hope. I let go and let God.....and I prayed.

I prayed for them to become who HE would want them to be, and I quit worrying about who I thought they should be. I praise him for giving me a baby who would only live in my womb for a few short weeks and for the chance to meet that baby (whom we named Tate) one day in heaven. I thank him for the opportunity to show these precious souls what it means to live on this Earth and to love our Father in heaven. For they belonged to Him before they belonged to me.

Thank you God for giving me the chance to love these little souls....for before they were mine, they were YOURS!!!

May you find this same kind of Peace in your Motherhood journey!

Love from another Mother,

Megan

What would YOU write about YOUR journey into motherhood???

Surfin' Saturday: Mother's Day Edition!

Cause some things are too good not to share!

I've been doing a few Motherhood related posts this week, so I thought it would only be fitting to do a Mother's Day version of Surfin' Saturday.  Sound good to you?

I know I said that I don't approve of the whole "Mommy Judgement" thing, but I did say that I like some helpful advice every now and again.  Here are a few things that have made a big impact on my mothering....

This book single-handedly saved my life when Lucy was a baby.  Wish I had listened when my friend Ellen recommended it the first go 'round!  It is just about the greatest book ever written (well, besides the best book ever written)!  By the time I had Greer, the principles of this book came like second nature, and she is my easiest baby yet!  There is even a website devoted to it's principles.  Chat, discuss, learn more....Tracy Hogg (I'm hoping she's dancing with angels ) was so brilliant!

Love, love, love this idea from sweet Angie.  What a challenge to all of us!  I did it a few months ago, and want to do it again soon.....

As the years have gone by, I've needed a bit of help in the discipline department.  The principles of this book were super effective for us, and the principles of this book have helped me understand what makes me my kids tick.  Great picks for your Summer reading list!!!  Promise!

Ever thought about making your own babyfood?  I never really considered it till I had Greer, and I want you to know how easy, fun, and rewarding it was.  I promise!  If I can do it, you can too!  This site helped me immensely!  Once you try it, let me know how it goes!  And, for what's it's worth, Greer will eat just. about. anything!

Do you have any great links to share (especially related to being a better Mommy)?

I'd love to hear from you!

I've been NOMINATED, Y'all!!!

And maybe, I'll get to meet Spongebob!

(Reeves would be so proud!!!)

Seriously, though....

One of my sweet readers (I have no idea who, but all of my readers are sweet!) has nominated my little blog for Nickolodeon's Parent's Connect best local blog!  I am so honored!  

Now, let the games begin!

 I try to keep it a secret, but if I'm being honest, I must admit that I am pretty competitive.  May the best blog Hold it Up to the Light win!!!

Go vote, Go Vote, Go Vote, Go Vote.......You only have 67 days left! 

Have I mentioned....

....that,

I can't wait for the lazy days of Summer!

we are leaving for Disney World in just 9 days!!

I am so proud of my husband for going to the doctor for a check-up.

Lucy went with my mom to my grandmother's house for a visit all weekend....

and she is going to be 5 on Sunday.

I have to work on Sunday which also happens to be Mother's Day (in case you didn't know)!

it totally stinks, but I'm trying to remember.....

I'm grateful to have a great job in these tough times.  I mean, how can you not love watching dozens of babies come into the world every day???

my best friend is moving to North Carolina and so is her little boy (yeah, it usually works that way)

her little boy, well, he is my son's best friend...

I just can't talk about it.

Sniff....

I can't wait to plant some flowers with Lucy (who has a new obsession with gardening).

I really need to make an appointment to have my gallbladder removed. 

I love our new church....I mean totally, absolutely, passionately am ON FIRE about it!!!

can't believe I am about to have another baby in kindergarten.  

I can't wait to hang out at the pool all day with the kids, visit with all our friends, and get a tan (I know, I know)!

I am dying to meet my new nephew, Henry, and I miss my sister (Rachel) terribly.

I feel blessed to have my other sister (Erin) living with me!

I am so excited about the 7 year old baseball tournament this weekend....

GO BRAVES!!!

there's nothing like a good margarita!

On Mothering: Judgement

There are millions of wonderful things about being a first time mom. There are also a handful of things that no one really prepares you for. You have no idea what the term "sleep deprivation" really means until you fall asleep talking to your best friend on the phone. You have no idea how guilty you'll feel when your baby is crying hysterically and you can't "fix it" right away. You have no idea that such a tiny baby can make their last meal hit the wall across the room after a little too much bouncing around. No idea!!!

It's on the job training at it's finest!

In addition to all that sort of stuff, I was quite unprepared for all the unsolicited advice and opinions that were about to come my way. As if first time parenthood weren't stressful enough, try adding in all the well meaning (and sometimes rather snarky) opinions of your closest friends and total strangers. Don't get me wrong, I got some great pieces of advice along the way (still do), and I love passing along things that have helped me as I navigate this road. I feel like I have finally (on my third go 'round) become confident enough in my mothering to filter it all approriately. In my opinion, it is an art, and it takes a while to get it. One of those live and learn deals.


But after all this time, there is still one thing that still sort of ruffles my feathers. Something I like to call random acts of judgement.

I have gained great perspective following the few occasions I have had to deal with this phenomenon, and think that these experiences have taught me more (more than anything else) about how I want to be as a mother (or should I say, what I don't want to be). Each time it happens, I remind myself to be more tolerant, to think before I speak, and to remember that I don't know it all. It reminds me to pray for patience and for the person who commits the act.

Let me just give you an example of one such random act of judgement.....

One gorgeous Spring day about 2 years ago, Lucy and I had a big day planned. On Thursday mornings, Lucy took a ballet class at a fun little studio in a neighboring town. We would have a big time on those days, and I would usually treat her to a yummy lunch after class. It was rare to have this alone time with my second born, and I always tried to make a big deal out of our time together.

This particular day, we decided to try out the brand new Whole Foods cafe. They have an awesome lunch selection, and I had already told Lucy she could pick out whatever she wanted. We sang songs the whole way to the store and we laughed about something silly Daddy had done. She said, "How bout if we call Daddy to see if he can come, too!?" What a treat it would be to have Mommy and Daddy all to herself!

I couldn't get Chris on the phone, so I left a message and told Lucy that maybe he would call us back to tell us he could join us. We made it to Whole Foods and walked all over the store picking out every yummy thing we could imagine. It was so much fun.

The store was very busy that day, and we were hoping to get a seat outside. By the time we were ready to sit down, the only seats left were right by the check out counter. We settled into a little booth, and I opened her milk and cut up her pizza and canteloupe. She was famished by this point and couldn't wait to dig in. I even promised her a treat from the bakery if she ate well (if you know Lucy at all, you know she has a love affair with sweets).

Just as she was getting started, Chris called. Literally seconds after picking up the phone, a little old lady passed by our table. I had all but said "Hey, what's up," when she lit me UP!

"YOU should be ashamed of yourself!!! You need to get off that phone and pay attention to that PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL!!!!"

And like that, she was gone. Poof. Done.

Literally every head turned in my direction. People were whispering and shaking their heads....looking at me as if I had just beaten my child or something. I was in shock, embarrassed, and basically blown away.

Had she been there when I played her favorite song on the radio over and over? Was she there when I called her Daddy to ask him to join us? What if that phone call was from my son's teacher, telling me he was sick? What if Chris had been in a car accident?

A million scenarios raced through my head. The more I thought about it, the more angry I became. I was appalled, shocked, amazed at the flipent judgement others place upon us in situations they no nothing about. I thought about it off and on for weeks. Told all my closest friends how horrible it made me feel.....how I felt so misunderstood and unjustly judged. I was angry....and irritated. When your ability to mother your child is called into question, it cuts like a knife!

After some time, and through much prayer and thought, my anger began to teach me some lessons. It wasn't important that I didn't have a chance to speak up for myself, and it wasn't important to prove myself to those strangers. What was important was the reminder it gave me. The reminder to be slow to speak and quick to show mercy. To allow my Father in Heaven to do the judging and to try to understand that my neighbor may have been having a really bad day. To be understanding when I witness something that seems wrong, and to remind myself that I don't know everything. I actually tend to have empathy instead of criticism.

Yes, those who commit these random acts of judgement have become some of my greatest teachers. For that, I am forever grateful.

On Mothering

I am blessed to have lots of friends (both in real life and through the internets).  I love the diversity of the relationships I have and learn things from all of them.  I love the perspective of my friends who have grown-up (and teenage) children, and what I can teach my friends who have brand new babies.  The lessons I have learned from my mother (and my husband's mother) are etched on my soul.  I truly believe in the mantra that "It Takes a Village", and I strive to adopt the best methods to help me in my endeavor to raise responsible, functioning adults.  In fact, let me go a step further....

I am striving to raise:  God Trusting, Happy, Secure, Smart Working, Fun Loving People

Not too much to ask, right?  

Lately, I've had some new struggles related to mothering.  I'll get into the specifics more in some later posts, but basically, I am hitting a whole new phase in this adventure.  I've also had a huge desire to share some of my "mothering" history with all my sweet readers.  I hope you'll come back to hear my stories, and to share your own!

I also want to add a little disclaimer.... I don't want it to sound like I am not including my husband in all of this!  Chris has an integral part in the raising of our children, but I am struggling with some things that are fundamentally about being the kind of mother I want to be.  Make sense?  Good.

It seems appropriate (what with the coming holiday weekend) to discuss some of my views on motherhood, and to hear your thoughts.  Like I said, I get so much out of the experiences of other mothers, and grow in my mothering art when I talk it out with my friends who've been there.  And just so you know....I do a lot of praying on the subject, too!  

One more thing....I don't mind giving my 2 cents if provoked either, ahem.

So, here's the basic jist of my mothering philosophy:

Teach about God's Love!

Love them Unconditionally!

Never discount any method when it comes to praise/discipline/persuasion

There is no 1 right way to mother your child

Screwing up is inevitable:  I will admit when I am wrong, ask for forgiveness, and make a change.

This is the short list, and I know that my statements may seem vague. Trust me though, there is more to every one of these. It's about a basic mindset I have adopted, based on my life as a mother.  

And perspective....I'm trying to learn more about perspective by looking at the big picture.

What about you?

What are your basic mothering mantras?

Not me!, Monday

It's finally that time again....time for a little free therapy, courtesy of MckMama over at My Charming Kids. We sure have missed her NOT so normal life, and we are so happy that she is back home with all 4 of her adorable MSC!  So in honor of my friend, MckMama, let's get back to celebrating all the little things in our life that we totally did NOT do this week. There's not a week that goes by when I do NOT have about a million Not Me, Moments! How 'bout you?

I did NOT cuss at the garbage can, the dirty clothes, the dirty dishes, the grocery list, the never ending to-do list this morning when I woke up.  My bad attitude can NOT be attributed to my son's restless night.  It was not a miserable night of tummy aches and coughing that almost made us oversleep big time (Lucy did NOT wake us up at a little after 7)!  

I did NOT decide that all the mess would eventually work itself out if I could just chill out and take it a moment at a time.  I did NOT say a quick prayer and give myself a pep talk to get through my morning.  I am NOT working on perspective in this grand little thing called life (and a few posts to go along with that perspective are coming mighty soon, friends).

I am NOT enjoying the silence that is:  Greer sleeping, Lucy playing with Janice and Lily, and Reeves going home with a friend after school.  

I am NOT contemplating a little power nap before all of this bliss comes to an end!

As for everything else in my little life?  Well, we are NOT thinking about putting our house on the market (sooner than later) and moving to a fun little neighboring community.  I am NOT insane that way, and we do NOT already have enough stress in our life already, right?  Why in the world would I NOT want to do something like that?

I have NOT had a blast pouring over floor plans and lot sizes....I am NOT weird that way!

I do NOT have about a million things to do in the next 2 weeks (before the end of school and our Disney trip), and if I don't get off this computer right now.....they will NEVER get done.  Guess that is NOT my cue to sign off!!!

What about you?  What did YOU not do this week????  Please join in the "Not Me!, Monday" fun....I promise you'll love it!