Let me start by saying, today was a really hard day. Well, it started out really hard, but as the minutes marched on, I felt the peace of the Holy Spirit flooding my soul. If it had been up to me, I would have climbed back under the covers the moment I got home from dropping the big kids off at school (yep, we even missed the bus)! Greer might have eaten cheese puffs and cotton candy all day had I not pulled myself together.
It seemed like this black cloud was looming over me, and everywhere I turned something was pulling me down. The gloomy weather didn't make it much better....and I am usually a fan of cloudy days. Today it just mirrored my spirit.
After a good, long cry, a desperate prayer, and a pep talk from my husband....I pulled up my bootstraps and got on with my day. That's what we mommies have to do, right? No rest for the weary.....life goes on.
I won't bore you with the gory details (have I mentioned that the Gross Factor is HIGH around these parts?). I prayed for peace and providence and forgiveness. I set about the task of living....and making big decisions. I knew that facing my giants was the only way I was going to pull myself out of the quicksand. And that's where the decision part comes in.....
We are at a major crossroads in terms of Greer's Port Wine Stain treatments. I've been half avoiding/half dreading making the next move....and frankly, I still don't know if we're doing the right thing. I just don't know what to do. I prayed specifically for God to guide my heart and my mind and my decisions today.....after that desperate prayer, some big things happened.
A little history....Greer has had 8 laser treatments since her birth. Five of those treatments were with a laser called the Perfecta. Three of them (including the last 2) were with an older V-Beam model. Greer's birthmark seems to respond better (in regards to fading) to the Perfecta, but our wonderful dermatologist here in the 'Ham doesn't have permanent access to the Perfecta in the facility where Greer can receive General Anesthesia. Greer needs General Anesthesia for her treatments.....and Greer needs the Perfecta.
Alabama can't give her that.
We don't want to waste valuable time with a laser that is not getting the job done....but we don't really want to travel and leave our wonderful doctor. But that's our reality, and I made a big leap of faith today. After a good long cry, a big ole prayer (not to mention the pep talk from Chris), I scheduled a consultation with a highly recommended doctor at Duke.
Will our insurance cover it? Will the travel time wipe us out? Can we afford it? Is it really necessary? Will our friends think we're nuts? Will it all be worth it? Are we making the right decision for our baby?
All I know is that it's in God's hands. All I know is that I have a baby girl who is counting on me....even though she doesn't even know it. I have to trust that it's in His hands.....
Maybe that's my sign!
He's our all boy, athletic, Daddy loving, amazingly messy, school adoring, people pleasing, ultra sensitive, fruit craving, mercifully giving, bed hopping, dangerously destructive, absolutely precious first born.
She's our extremely funny, big hearted, completely dramatic, very talkative, nurturing, terribly sassy, independent, fashion forward, chocolate craving, brown eyed, Mommy helping, sorta sneaky, beautifully stunning second born!
13 kind words:
Praying for peace with the decision at hand.
My son received care/treatment at Duke for GI issues. We live about an hour away. Duke ROCKS!
If I can be of any help please email me at ncmomma@earthlink.net
Sweet Megan...Praying peace and comfort to you and Chris tonight and in the days ahead. May God show His will to you in such a way you know it could only be Him! Your heart for sweet Greer is SO evident (as it should be for that baldey cutie!!) Looking forward to seeing God work out all those little details for His Glory! Thank you for sharing yours and Greer's story with us so honestly! Love You! Raegan
What a wonderful mommy you are, Meg! I hope you will feel the peace that God wants you to feel as you go forward with Greer's treatment. She is a blessed baby girl to have you and Chris as parents. I'll be praying . . . .
Love, Melinda
Megan.. Sounds like Duke is the place for Greer. We will be praying for you all. I know that it is hard to travel away from home for treatments. But it looks to me like God has placed your friends there to help you out. Julia
Praying for peace around this decision for you guys and for God to miraculously work out all the details!
Megan, you don't know me personally but I am a friend from the pws list. Our daughter Amanda had laser with Dr Burton at the age of 14, 16, and 18 months. We found out later her birthmark is an arteriovenous malformation, so we didn't continue the laser. She has had 18 treatments in Denver, Colorado, so we understand the traveling part. I grew up in Durham and we now live in Greensboro, about an hour away. I can help with the area if you need anything.
Also, this is unrelated but I need to thank you. My husband often sings at our church - we had never heard "Somewhere in the Middle" until we heard it on your blog. He sang it a church a couple of weeks ago and it fit perfectly with the message, even though our pastor didn't even know what he was going to sing until that morning. So thank you for that; you helped him touch people that morning.
Know that you and Greer and your family are in my prayers. Barbara
Megan,
I will be praying for you and your family. I met you through the birthmarks.com website and I am so grateful for the support I receive from them all. I feel all of the emotions that you are going through, and I know how difficult making decisions for our little ones can be. I thought too that everyone would think we were crazy for leaving the state to seek proper treatment for Hayden. We have had amazing results with the Perfecta laser. I pray that you will have peace in your decision. Give that sweet baby a kiss for me. She is gorgeous.
Megan, I know first hand all these questions, worries, and what ifs. I remember that first night you called me to comfort me when I was feeling this way! You are AWESOME! I honestly know that God has put you in my life. You prayed for me and encouraged me at a time when I needed it so desperatly. Now I am going do that for you!
Hugs and Smiles!
Jessi
Megan,
My son had his hemangiomas treated by Dr. T in B'ham and we loved her, but we too had to face the decision when what we wanted for him was more than she could provide (surgical excision). We made the decision we felt was right for our son and have never regretted it. I have been on the vascular birthmarks website as well and have seen that the vast majority of people who travel to get treatment are very happy they did so. You know (and God will help you know) what is right for your little girl, it is just a shame that B'ham doesn't have the resources to provide all of the treatments. Praying for you and that your insurance will pay for this treatment for your sweet baby girl.
Duke is WONDERFUL, and you won't regret it! You have to do what you have to do.
When Nathaniel was 6 months old, he ended up having to wear a helmet 24/7 for plagiocephaly. As it turned out, we saw a plastic surgeon in NC for the whole shebang. We had to go three times in those six months for him to evaluate Nathaniel's progress. I don't regret it for a minute; I think we saw the best physician for our needs. On the months we didn't go in person, I emailed him pictures from all sides, which was sufficient.
At the time, it seemed like a difficult thing to do, but they told me that a year from then, it would all seem like nothing. And they were right! Looking back on it, I can hardly even remember all of it. Certainly the stress of the situation has faded over time, but I'm glad I documented it all in pictures and in our scrapbooks so that we have it to look back on.
Our prayers will be with you as you continue to make decisions and potentially travel!
Hey there! God is going to guide your steps! It is a wonderful testament of your love and care for Greer that you are so consumed with this decision. She is so blessed to have a mommy like you! If the situation were ours and we had to travel with Lauren to get her the treatments she needed we would do it in a heartbeat. No hesitation, unless God directed us not to.
I think you are doing the right thing!
Thanks so much for all of your sweet, kind comments! It means the world to know that there are so many wonderful people praying for us. I just can't tell you how much it means to me.....Thank you, thank you, thank you! We love you!
Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family. The decisions you make are led by Him and are His decisions. He will guide you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Post a Comment